Lady On the Cable Car

Yesterday, it was cloudy in San Francisco again. I was kinda annoyed that it had been cloudy and cold in San Francisco lately (50s-60s degree in late May!!!). As usual, I took a cable car packed with tourists to go to work. As I was standing inside the cable car, looking for an empty seat, a very cheerful voice stood out from the crowd of tourists and caught my attention. I have been on the cable car more than 100 times in the past 3 months and got used to hearing tourists who were enjoying their vacations, but this one was ecstatic. Without looking at the source of the voice, I sat down in an empty seat across from her. Then I looked up at her and realized…that she was blind. She kept talking with her companion, expressing her curiosity about the bell, having fun guessing whether the cable car was going uphill or downhill, admiring San Francisco, and talking about her afternoon plan to Alcatraz. She brightened the gloomy San Francisco with her big smiles and sparkling eyes. Yes, those blinded eyes were sparkling!!! I was stunned.

A few minutes later, I got off the cable car and proceeded to Powell Muni station. While I was waiting for the Muni, I kept thinking about the young blind lady on the cable car. I had been complaining about cloudy San Francisco while she was admiring it. Of course, she hadn't seen that it was cloudy. Had she seen that it was cloudy, maybe she wouldn’t have been that happy. Or maybe she would have. Maybe she would have been able to overlook the cloudiness and seen the beauty of San Francisco, like she overlooked her blindness and sensed the beauty of San Francisco. If she can overlook her blindness and enjoy the sightseeing, I’m sure she can also overlook the cloud and enjoy the sightseeing. Maybe I can do that too. If I just overlook the cloud, maybe I’ll be as excited about the cloudy San Francisco as she was.

As my N train was arriving at the platform, I looked at the people on the train. Some were looking down at the floor, some were looking away pointlessly, and some were looking at their books or newspapers. None of about 40 people on the train had a slight smile. Gosh…what a contrast from the blind lady on the cable car! What was wrong with these good-eyed people? Couldn't they see that there were so many things worth smiling about? I knew they were not on vacation like the tourists. They were on their way to work. And that might not have been very exciting. But maybe they could overlook that going to work was not exciting, so that they could see that it was Friday!!! And Friday is just so fantastic that anyone ought to smile.

I walked inside the Muni, sat down, and smiled. I smiled to Friday. I thought a few people around me might have thought that I was crazy, smiling for no reason. But maybe, if they overlooked those negative thoughts, they would see that I was just smiling to a lovely Friday in San Francisco.

Thanks to the blind lady on the cable car. While she was in the dark, she had brightened my day.

Life Planning

“What do you see yourself in the next 5, 10, 15 year?” – I can’t remember how many times I heard this question from job interviews, business school applications, or even chit chatting with friends. The answers range from get married, have kids, finish a master degree/Ph.D., move back to the Bay area, get promoted, travel, retire, and save the world. Somewhere, somehow, someone initiated the idea of short (2-5 years) and long term (10+ years) life planning.

I began my short and long term life planning since I was 12 years old. Back then, my English skills was an embarrassment. I was the only one in my English class that wrote “She are..” and “They was..”. Mrs. May, my 7^th grade English teacher from Scotland, made me write the correct sentences 200 times every time I made a mistake. My closest friend once laughed at me when I told her that I want to study abroad. For 5 years, I worked hard to improve my English skills, one step at a time, from taking classes after school and on the weekend and reading books in English, to seeking opportunity to speak English through a 6-week exchange program in Australia. After taking big and small actions for 5 years, I came to study in the US for the first time in 12^th grade through a one-year student exchange program.

My short and long term life plannings have served me well. A Kellogg MBA and working and living in the US are parts of my life planning many years back. I’m sure this is also true for many people. Short and long term life planning can helps everyone achieves what they want.

Recently, I came to the realization that short and long term life planning might not always be useful. As we grow up, life gets more complex. People don’t always have a complete control to make their short and long term goals happen. The short and long term life planning comes with frustration when the plans are not achieved; the 5 years reunion is approaching, and the promotion that one has been pursuing still has not happened, and the hope to retire early vanished with the stock market crashed and WaMu stocks are worth nothing. In addition to uncontrollable factors, there are also many uncertainties in the period of 2-5 years or even in a period of 6-12 months. For me, when Chase acquired WaMu late September 2008, the level of uncertainty for me was high. My life scenarios ranged from taking an offer with Chase in Columbus, Ohio (which I dreaded it), getting deported back to Thailand, getting married, getting a new job in Seattle but not getting married, getting married but no job, going back to Thailand and trying to apply for jobs from there, or moving to San Francisco to work for a pre-funding start-up. It was impossible for me to even do a 6-month life planning - forget about the 2-5 year life planning. I felt shaky when I couldn’t see where my life was going. It was like walking in a hot and dry desert without knowing where I was heading toward and when I would get to somewhere. It was uncomfortable and frustrating.

So I decided that I would do a super short, 3-month life planning. I don’t need to know where I’m heading to in the next few days in the desert. All I need to plan for is that in the next 30 minutes, I will keep moving my two feet, so that I would reach the fifth cactus on the right. I didn’t need to know where my life was going in the next 6-12 months or to plan for it “that long”. My life planning from November 2008 to January 2009 was networking with people, applying for job, and interviewing. My life planning from February to April 2009 was living in San Francisco and working for a start-up. I have very much enjoyed living in San Francisco. I look at the sunny sky and smile to myself everyday (that it’s sunny), I love hanging out with Janette, Kellogg friends and new friends. Working at the start-up is refreshing. Going to work feels like going to school with the combination of working, playing, and joking around. Everyday has been like a vacation to me. There has been almost no uncertainty in my 3-month life planning, and I have 100% control to make my life plan happen..3 months at a time. Now I’m doing my life planning for May to July 2009, which will likely be working for the start-up, networking with people, applying for jobs, and interviewing…again. Life is wonderful.

The Other Side of the Cloud

Thursday January 22, 2009 - I flew on an airplane above the cloud many many times. But this time, on my flight from San Francisco back to the cloudy Seattle, it hit me for the first time…that this gorgeous brilliant blue sky with endless white fluffy cotton ball carpet is “the other side of the cloud”.

So this is what I told myself...

When your day gets cloudy (ironically, there are plenty of cloudy days in Seattle)

Remember … that that there’s the other side of the cloud that is bright and sunny.

It is always there, although you cannot see it, and all you can see is the gray, gloomy, overcast day.

All you need to do is getting on the plane, “going through the cloud”, and you’ll be on the other side - the bright blue sky.

My 33rd Birthday

Thursday, January 15, 2009 - It’s my 33rd birthday today. I had 3.5 hours of sleeping last night and woke up at 6:30 am to catch a flight. Then I spent 7 hours on the plane and at O’Hare airport, travelling from Seattle to Pittsburgh for interviews the next day. When I transited in Chicago, I checked my voice message and found out that I would have three interviews tonight from 9-11 pm instead of the next day, as I was originally expected. The connecting flight from Chicago to Pittsburgh was delayed and I ended up having 30 minutes to get out of the hoodie, jeans, sneakers, pony tail, and glasses, wash my hair, iron my shirt, and look professional in suit and make-up. I thought to myself - this must be my worst birthday ever!

As I was on the plane from Chicago to Pittsburgh, I was thinking about my T-mobile job opportunity that I declined about a week before WaMu got acquired by JPMorgan Chase in September. Had I took that offer, I would be spending my birthday in Seattle, maybe getting ready to go out for dinner instead of having interviews. Instead of looking for a job, I might be planning on a London-Paris-Dublin trip with Lewis or Austria-Hungary trip with my mom. That would have been much more fun than looking for a job in the worst economy, amid the holiday season, at the ending-beginning of year, when the business doesn’t know their FTE plan for 2009 yet, and with time pressure due to my H1B visa status.

Then my thoughts went on… in addition to a lot of helps and supports from best friend, Janette Su, her husband, Bow Su, and my boyfriend Lewis, I received a lot of helps, supports, and advices from many people. So what would I have missed if I pursued that T-Mobile opportunity?

I would have missed meeting and knowing interesting people along my job search journey, like Ed Eng (whom I’ve known for 3 years, but just got to really know him), Ken Pawlak, Steve Muran, David Hijirida, Ben Walter, Brad Williamson, Geeta McCormack, and Ian McKerlich.

I would have missed knowing how fortunate I have to have mentors and friends like Jennifer Myhre, Scott Strand, Simon Griffiths, Katie Liao, Peter Beeson, Allan Young, Scott Chow, Young Pham, P’ Jeab – Patama Chantarak, and Hsin-yee Chiu. Even in my last interview on my birthday that ended at 12:40 am (CST)!!, I was inspired by Zia Chishti, a successful, intelligent, young entrepreneur who created Invisalign and TRG and whose ultimate dream is to build a free school in the north of Pakistan for the most genius kids. Then, on the coming Tuesday, I’m meeting with Mark Goldstein, a serial entrepreneur who built and sold 5 start-ups to companies including Microsoft, K-Mart, and Reuters.

Would l trade a smoother path to an ideal job with finding friendships among my friends and meeting interesting people that inspired me and that I enjoy their companies? No. I wouldn’t. I am so glad that I took a risker but more rewarding path.

Like P’Jeab said to me repeatedly, things happen for reasons. Even with a lot of pressure and stress, my 33rd year of life is still blessed.

Jan 15, 2009 10:53 PM PST

White Christmas in Seattle

This winter, Seattle had a lot of snow during Christmas. People couldn't get out of the house, and Seattle authority decided not to use salt to remove the snow, as it would harm the environment.

I wrote this on December 23, 2008. As I was enjoying the white Christmas in Seattle, I had an overwhelmingly happy emotions that I had to express it out in a poem.

Enjoy!

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My heart is warmed with the spirit of Christmas time.
The radio plays "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" rhymes.

I don't have pine-scented, colorfully decorated Christmas tree.
But downtown buildings with sparkling lights is a magical sight to me.

I feel as if I were surrounded by millions of shining stars.
With different shades, shapes, sizes, near and far.

Roof tops and tree branches are covered with snow.
I snug tightly under warm soft silky throw.

I listen to music, I write poem, and I read.
This is a truly lovely moment indeed!

I believe in you

This is a Toastmasters speech I gave in March this year...

To have someone who believe in you is a true blessing in life. It prevents you from falling, and it can push you so far ahead than you could ever imagine.

There were many times in my life when I was discouraged by others, when I was afraid to do things that I wanted to do, and when I felt bad about myself. Every time, there was always someone who believed in me, protecting me from discouragement of others, helped me to overcome my fears, and made me feel good about myself again.

Speaking of getting discouraged by others, it seems to happen to me on every important decision I made for my life. When I decided that I want to get out of my comfort zone and live and study abroad as an exchange student; my closest friend laughed at me and said to my face “You? Want to be an exchange student abroad? With your mediocre English skill and shyness, I don’t think so”. With the sound of her condescending laughs in my head, I worked hard to improve my English skills and was selected to participate in three exchange students program in three countries during high school and college. When I was applying to business school, my ex-boyfriend said “Who do you think you are? There are so many people that are smarter and better than you. You are so arrogant that you think you will get into a top school”. With his discouraging voice in my head, I managed to get into a top school and, of course, I also managed to get rid of him afterward!

Speaking of fears, there were so many times when I challenged myself to do something new or something outside of my comfort zone, I got really scared and nervous. One of those fears was, of course, public speaking. Three years ago, I organized a conference with over 400 attendees. As the conference leader, I need to give a few speeches to speakers and conference attendees. My first speech was a short welcome speech to 20 speakers at the dinner before the day of the conference. I was so nervous. My hands were shaking, my face was pale, and my speaking turned into babbling. I was so embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I spent 9 months to prepare for the conference. But I was too nervous to speak for just 2 minutes about it. Speaking in front of 20 people was already a nerve-wrecking experience. On the next day, I had to give a speech to 400 attendees, thanking them and my team for the success of the conference. As I was standing in front of audience, waiting for my time to speak, my fear was about to hit me again. It was the moment of truth of me. I could screw up twice or I could use that moment to recover myself from the embarrassment on the day before. It was the moment of truth for me, after all dedication I put into the conference, whether I believe I was important enough for people to pay attention and listen. As the guest speaker finished his last sentence, the audience started getting up to leave. I grabbed the microphone and said “Hello everyone, I am the organizer of the conference. I would like to ask everyone to sit down, as I have something to say”. All of the sudden, people who were getting to leave the auditorium sat back down. I got their full attention to listen to what I wanted to say, and I spoke confidently this time.

I have overcome those discouragements, fears, and negative feeling toward myself because I believe in myself. As I reflect upon my past situations, I ask myself how I started to believe in my capabilities. The answer was that I have always had someone who believes in me. It began at home. The first person who made me believe in myself was my mother. No matter how impossible my dreams may seem. When I look back, I don’t remember a single time that she has doubt in what I want to accomplish. When I struggled, she said “Keep trying. My daughter is capable.” Then, she would stay up late with me, making me hot chocolate while I worked hard to get what I want. When I succeeded, she said “I knew you can do it. My daughter is competent.” Then she kissed me. I can’t give enough credit to my mother for blessing my life by believing in me. Her believing in me makes me believe in myself and protects me from the disbelieving of others.

Outside of family, I have been fortunate to have one or two friends who believe in me.

When I scared to death and embarrassed myself speaking in public, my best friend said “You worked so hard to make this conference happened. If there is someone most deserved to speak at this conference you've created, it is you.” His belief in me that I can speak confidently in front of 400 people, despite the fact that he saw me embarrassed myself speaking in front of 20 people made me overcome my fear of public speaking.

It’s true that you can succeed by believing in yourself. But it’s easier to believe in yourself when someone believes it with you. When you go back home today to your spouse and kids, I hope you keep in mind that there is a small thing you can do – a small thing that is very important and easier to do than you might have thought. Do believe in them, believe that people around you want to do well and can do well, even though they made mistakes and disappointed you, and believe that people will achieve their stretched goal in the future, even though you cannot see it today. I know you can do it. I believe in you.

A Different Approach

It's been a while since my last posting, acknowledging that I sometimes felt intimidated and how I tried to overcome it. In the past few months, I found a new approach that truely got rid of me feeling intimidated and actually changed my personality to be more assertive at work.

Early this year, I was assigned a project that requires me to work in the environment that I usually feel intimidated. My business partners are much more experienced in the subject, aggressive, opinionated, and love to do the talking. In the past 30 years, when I was around people like this, I became speechless.

My breakthrough came as I was focusing all my thoughts and energy to accomplish my goal - to develop a strategy for the subject that I was not familiar with, align more experienced, opinionated business partners toward the same strategy and goal and drive the execution.

Within a few months, I got rid of 30 years of my wrong attitude. I focused on achieving my goal and on trying to make my points across so much that I forgot to think about myself and how other people think of me. And that was the end of me feeling intimidated.

By being really passionate about the subject and focus on the subject rather than myself (who cares about me anyway), I was able to overcome the intimidated feeling. I am a happier person these days. I feel more confident, energetic and effective. My business partner said "Everytime I talked with you, you get me all pumped-up!" I love working with aggressive, opinionated people these days. They helped me grow tremendously ;)